Final Fable Zero: The Belkan War Combat Evolved
by The Great and Powerful Keski
Summary: All hell breaks loose in this pseudo sequel to Finality, my other Zelda Fable crossover fic. Includes lots of games and one book.
1. Chapter 1

The Hitchhiker's Guide to

The Legend of

Final Fable Zero:

The Belkan War—

Combat Evolved

Over Normandy

- - -

Chapter the First

- - -

Author's Note: I spell check all my documents using the British

spelling. It's an aesthetics thing. Just wanted to make sure you

know that I did, in fact, mean to spell 'sceptically' that way.

Incidentally, there is apparently no correct way to spell

'bajeezus'. Did you know that? I certainly didn't.

- - -

"Damn it, Link, they aren't money here, they're just pretty stones!"

"All right, all right; I get it already."

The old trader looked from one eccentric traveller to the other. "Um," he said, "are you going to buy something?"

The brown-haired man gave the trader a sharp glance. "A moment, please."

Then the blonde one pushed the other one away and faced the trader. The brown-haired one stumbled backward, caught off guard by the shove, and fell back into the dirt, growling.

"How much money will you give me for these?" the blonde one asked, and thrust a leather pouch at the trader, who tentatively took it and peered inside. The bag was full of glittering, multi-coloured gems.

"All together?" the trader said. "I'd have to count them."

"How about a hundred gold pieces? That's a lot, right?"

"As much as I'd like to accept that offer, it really isn't anywhere close to a fair price," the trader said. He picked through the bag for a few moments while the brown-haired traveller stood up and dusted himself off, then approached the blonde one.

"I'd put the value at around ten thousand gold pieces," the trader said.

The blonde one's jaw dropped, but the brown-haired one scowled.

"Give me that," he said, and snatched the bag away. "No way," he said after fingering the gems for a moment himself. "These are worth no less than sixteen thousand gold pieces."

The trader shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I just don't carry that sort of money around with me. Ten thousand is all I have, I'm afraid."

"We'll see about that," the brown-haired one said with a mocking smile, as he drew his sword.

- - -

"That wasn't very nice," Link said. I waved at him dismissively as I went through the dead trader's pockets, looking for gold and whatever wares he'd been carrying in his pack. So far, I'd found three hundred thousand gold pieces (please don't ask how I managed to count them that fast), fourteen carrots, a handful of fish, and three blocks of tofu. Needless to say, I left the food and pocketed the money.

"It's no big deal," I said. "He'll respawn soon enough, and odds are, he won't even remember this. Meanwhile, here's this." I handed him two hundred thousand of the gold pieces. I didn't even have to use a bag or pouch. I'm just that skilled.

Link said nothing as he pocketed the cold hard cash.

"Just be glad we're not in a village," I said wryly. "Otherwise the guards would come after us. You know, there's a fine of two thousand gold pieces for murder here in Albion."

"Two thousand?" Link's jaw dropped. "We could easily pay that with the money we just stole."

"Well, yeah, but then they kick you out of the village, and it's just a nuisance to have to go back in." I stood up and brushed myself off. "Want to find another trader who'll pay you a proper price for those… What do you call them?"

"Ruppees," Link said.

"Shiny rocks," said I. "Well, do you?"

"Do I what?"

I sighed and repeated my earlier inquiry. He shrugged.

"Your choice," he said. "You seem to have an easier time of getting money by just killing people…"

I shrugged. "Well, killing that one trader didn't cost me much, since I'm about as good as I can be."

"What?"

"Never mind. Hey, let's go to Oakvale, and you can meet a friend of mine. _He_ has become something of a legend in this part of Albion…"

- - -

"Wow," Link said as we entered the town of Oakvale. I pulled him toward the town's tavern. As I'd hoped, _he_ was inside.

"That's _him_," I said, pointing as we entered the tavern. We walked over to _his_ table.

"Luseik," _he_ said, glancing up. "Have a seat, get yourself a drink, tell me what you've been up to."

I obliged, and Link sat next to me. "I went to a place far away, a place called Hyrule. I used to live there a long time ago, but now…" I trailed off.

"The whole place has gone to hell," Link finished for me. I nodded.

"Ah," _he_ said. _He_ took a swig of whatever was in _his_ mug.

"I'm Link, by the way," said Link, extending his hand across the table.

"Glad to meet you, Link," _he _said, shaking the hand and looking back to _his_ drink. There was a long, uncomfortable silence, and I knew what was coming next.

"Well?" Link said.

_He_ looked up. "What?"

"What's your name?"

_He_ shrugged.

Link frowned. "What, don't you have a name?"

"Well," _he_ said, "I do have a name, but if I tell you what it is, there'll be hell to pay."

Link looked confused, but I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "If _he_ says an actual name, people will contact the author and argue about it."

Link still looked confused, so I leaned over again, and whispered, "Just call _him_ 'Bruce', if you need a name for _him_."

"Bruce?"

I shrugged. "'Amy' works too. Whatever turns you on, man." I tossed back my mug of ale and signalled a scantily clad barmaid over to our table.

"Hey there, foxy lady," I said, flashing my sexiest smile. She rolled her eyes.

"Do you need something?" she said curtly. I frowned to myself and fished around in my pocket, pulling out a fist-sized diamond. I handed it to her.

"Some vodka, if you have it. Share the love, honey."

She fingered the diamond, smiling widely. "Coming right up," she said, and headed off back to the bar. I looked back to _him_, a.k.a. Bruce, a.k.a. Amy.

"Hey, Amy," I said. Bruce looked up at me.

"Hmm?"

"Tell Link here your story."

Amy looked at Link, whose eyes widened.

"Oh, no," Link said. "This isn't going to be one of those long, long monologues, is it?"

"Afraid so," I said, grinning as the barmaid leant over to place my drink on the table. "Do you need something, foxy lady?" I said to her.

"How about a wedding ring for my finger, eh?"

- - -

Later, when darkness fell upon us, I showed Link to my house in Oakvale, next door to Bruce's house. Upstairs, there were three beds, so I pointed Link towards one of them, and then retreated back downstairs. As the night grew longer, I pored over a number of books and other research materials spread out across a series of desks.

For years now, I had been searching for _something_, and I knew I was now close to finding it. If I could just get one more bit of information, one more jump forward, I knew the rest of the pieces would fall into place.

"…What are you doing?" It was Bruce's voice. I closed the book I was reading, set it on the table, and turned it around so the title wasn't facing _him_. Then I turned to see Amy standing in the doorway.

"Just reading," I said. "Care to come in and have a drink?"

"No thanks," _he_ said. "I've got to leave tonight."

"Leave? Where to?" I asked. "Surely it can wait until morning."

_He_ shrugged. "Just wanted to say my farewells before I left." _He_ turned away and stepped out of the house. _He_ moved out of sight, and I ran to the doorway. _He_ was gone.

"Bruce!" I called into the dark, empty night. There was no response.

- - -

Amy opened _his_ eyes. "Did I _say_ I was ready for you to 'beam me up', damn it? I need to prepare myself for that crap. It's disorienting. I think I'm going to throw up…"

"Suck it up, Master Chief," said the military man before _him_. "We've got a problem."

Bruce looked up. "I really prefer Amy, you know."

"Whatever, Bruce. Here." The man shoved a handful of papers into Amy's hands. Bruce eyed the papers.

"What is this?" _he_ said.

"That," the man said, as the camera began to dramatically zoom in on his eyes, "is a list of all the places on Earth that have been attacked by Covenant terrorists in the last month. That's why we had to call you back from Albion."

"Covenant terrorists," Amy said. "_Not_ the Covenant itself?"

"Exactly," the man said. "A World With No Boundaries is back, and feistier than ever. They've built another Halo—"

"_They_ built one?" Bruce interrupted. "What about the Forerunners? I thought they built all the Halos."

"Originally, yes. But one of the Forerunners, a man named Slartibartfast, was captured by A World With No Boundaries, and tortured until he divulged the secrets of creating a Halo."

Amy cursed viciously. "So now I have to do the whole first-person shooter bit again, don't I?"

"You could," the man said sceptically.

"Or?" Bruce prompted.

"Or," the man said, and didn't continue. Amy cleared _his_ throat. "Or," the man began again, "you could hop into a fighter jet and blast the bajeezus out of them until they surrender. Of course, at the very end, in a moment of desperation, they might choose to activate their new Halo and destroy the galaxy in retaliation."

"Didn't work last time," Bruce said. "Last time, Tartarus activated the Halo, but the Arbiter had _exactly_ enough time to kill him and then remove the Index _just_ in time to stop it."

"We were lucky."

"It was planned," Amy retorted. "The Arbiter spent, like, four hours taunting Tartarus before he killed the Brute, and when he finished, the Halo was still preparing to fire."

"Whatever! That isn't the point! Just agree to fly a plane so we can get on with it!"

"Fine," Bruce said, and suddenly, the chapter ended.


	2. Chapter 2

The Hitchhiker's Guide to

The Legend of

Final Fable Zero:

The Belkan War—

Combat Evolved

Over Normandy

- - -

Chapter the Second

- - -

Author's Note: Tinker Bell is a fairy, dammit, not a pixie.

- - -

When the next chapter began, Amy found _himself_ strapped into the cockpit of a Mitsubishi A6M8c Zero-Sen.

"Um," _he_ said. "Isn't this plane a little… old?"

"Yep," said an unfamiliar voice over the radio. "You're in the Zero-Sen, otherwise known as the 'Zero' or the 'Zeke', a single-seat carrier-based fighter originally built by the Japanese. This model has a maximum speed of three hundred sixty miles per hour or five hundred eighty kilometres per hour, and a service ceiling of thirty-nine thousand three hundred seventy feet or twelve thousand metres."

Bruce leant back in _his_ seat and sighed. "I should have stayed in Albion… Hey, I thought I was going to be destroying the Halo."

"You are," said the radio-voice.

"Well, I seriously doubt this 'Zero' plane can make it into outer space."

"Oh, you won't need to go into outer space."

"What are you—hey!"

There was a blinding flash of light, and out of nowhere, a page break.

- - -

The light faded and the story resumed, and Amy realized the plane was now in flight over a vast landscape. And on the horizon, _he_ could see the landscape stretching up, up, and away. _He_ cursed.

"I'm on the Halo," _he_ muttered.

"Kannst du mich hören, Dieter?" The voice had come over the radio, faintly, but clearly.

"Belkans," Bruce muttered, glancing around in the cockpit. _He_ spotted a Banshee way off to the right, but it didn't seem to have noticed _him_. He kept flying at a distance.

"Ja, ich kann dich hören. Was machst du?"

"Das weiss ich nicht. Ich glaube… Ich… Damn, man, I'm done speaking German—I mean, Belkan. Too much effort."

"Fine, but you didn't answer my question."

"I don't know. I'm kind of hungry, I guess. The Demon hasn't shown up yet—"

"Why does the entire Covenant insist on calling the Master Chief a demon? Is _Amy_ so hard to pronounce?"

Bruce raised an eyebrow as the conversation continued.

"I would call _him_ 'Amy', but 'Demon' just has more… more _umph_ than 'Bruce'."

"Hey," Amy said, "this is getting kind of annoying, so can we get to the fight?"

"What the—hey!" The Banshee spun around. "I'm going to make you nicht lebendig, you dirty Osean!"

"Okay, stop!" shouted Bruce. "This is too confusing! The Covenant are supposed to be aliens, not Belkans or Germans, which seem to be the same thing. I'm not an Osean, I'm from Albion, and I'm flying a Japanese plane to begin with. And why isn't the rest of the Covenant interested in activating the Halo? They were intent enough on having their 'Great Journey' during the first two games, even though I never heard anything about a 'Great Journey' until the second game. So my question is this: What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know," said the Belkan piloting the Banshee, "I guess the author didn't think this through very well."

Just then, the author realized that the Belkan was right, and decided to try a different storyline. Unfortunately, this meant the chapter had to end prematurely.


End file.
